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From the list: Copy Writing

✔ Revise Copy on Clinical Trials Page [CW]#Sentv2 to client

Leslie H. added this on Feb 26, 2020
Completed Apr 02, 2020 by Leslie H.

Assigned to: Leslie H.
Due on: Mar 06, 2020
Notes: ESTIMATED HOURS TO COPY d1: 2.5

Hi Greg ,

RCCA has started their own clinical trials department, so we are going to revise their current clinical trials page.

Please see the attached creative brief. Also attached is the list of clinical trials.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Thanks!

Roya Tamila Chloe

List of active research 15Feb2020.docx 17.6 KB • Download

RCCA_Creative Brief_Clinical Trials.docx 41.5 KB • Download

Comments & Events

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Leslie

:

Here is copy d1. Please review.

RCCA-CJ_Web Page_Clinical Trials (new)_d1.docx 25.6 KB • Download

cc:

Roya

Tamila

Celeste

woot woot! 🙌🏼

Feb 28, 2020 at 5:29 PM Notified 5 people

Leslie Hines

Crushed it,

Greg

!

Sending to client!

Feb 28, 2020 at 5:59 PM Notified 5 people

Leslie Hines

Greg

,

Below is the feedback we got from the client. I want to caveat by saying that I dropped the ball here by not having Darlene and/or Stewart review for the best/correct clinical terminology.

With that being said, do you want to try to make some of these edits first and then I'll pass it over to Darlene & Stewart?

doesn't like the word "running", not sure what it means to run trials of "our own". "We didn't initiate or develop any of the trials, these are all industry generated."
CTA "sign up" isn't quite right for a clinical trial
"I would hope the text would endorse CJDIV sophistication and unique trials, some of which have only us as a community site, another only 4 sites in the US." - may need further elaboration on this from the client
Talking about "the big city" for people living in New Jersey is "hokey"

In his opinion, the format is ok, but "the text needs to be completely re-written"

Thoughts?

Mar 03, 2020 at 9:44 PM Notified 5 people

Leslie Hines rescheduled this to-do

Was Mar 03, 2020

Now Mar 06, 2020

Mar 03, 2020 at 9:44 PM Notified 1 person

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Leslie

:

There are four specific pieces of feedback, then the assertion that a complete rewrite is needed. Why is a complete rewrite needed? What doesn't he like? What is wrong/bad beyond the four things he specified? What direction can be provided so that the rewrite is on-target?

Basically, there's not enough here to inform a total rewrite, and I can't see why that would be needed. A list of what he wants to see would be much more helpful than just "make it totally different." Completely rewritten how? Why? In what way?

cc:

Tamila

Roya

Mar 03, 2020 at 10:40 PM Notified 5 people

Leslie Hines

Greg

, I do not have the answers to your questions. I provided you with all of the feedback I received from the client.

If you do not think you have enough information to do a "rewrite," then please make the edits that you can with the feedback the client provided.

Thanks!

Mar 04, 2020 at 11:27 PM Notified 5 people

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Leslie

– I ventured a revise based on the specific points of feedback. It occurred to me that "completely rewritten" might have simply been the client's sum-up of the specific problems. I've addressed all of them, but this v1d1 is definitely not a complete rewrite. Take a look and let me know what you think. (Reassigning for your review.)

RCCA-CJ_Web Page_Clinical Trials (new)_v1d1.docx 25.8 KB • Download

cc:

Celeste

Tamila

Roya

Mar 04, 2020 at 11:28 PM Notified 5 people

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Leslie

: See above. We were both responding at the same time, but you beat me. I did what I could. Take a look and let's rap.

-- G

Mar 04, 2020 at 11:31 PM Notified 5 people

Leslie Hines

Ha! how funny! Great minds think alike!

Mar 04, 2020 at 11:58 PM Notified 5 people

Leslie Hines

alrighty, just a few thoughts as we discussed.

Thanks!

lbfdbk_RCCA-CJ_Web Page_Clinical Trials (new)_v1d1.docx 26.8 KB • Download

Mar 05, 2020 at 12:06 AM Notified 5 people

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Leslie

: I just handled it here for ya, but please remember to reassign to me after providing feedback. I'd hate for work to sit orphaned! :-)

Mar 05, 2020 at 4:26 PM Notified 5 people

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Leslie

:

Here is v1d2. See what you think!

RCCA-CJ_Web Page_Clinical Trials (new)_v1d2.docx 26 KB • Download

cc:

Tamila

Roya

woot woot! 🙌🏼

Mar 05, 2020 at 4:36 PM Notified 5 people

Leslie Hines

Sent to darlene for review!

Mar 05, 2020 at 5:46 PM Notified 5 people

Leslie Hines

okie dokie

Greg

,

Here's Darlene's feedback (note: she's meeting with Melissa then heading out. We can call her in the car if you have questions)

Title - I would try to bring in more active language and the idea that RCCA-CJ is "Pioneering Clinical Trials in Cancer" or "Behind Breakthrough Cancer Care through Clinical Trials" or "Advancing Cancer Care through Clinical Research". It helps to illustrate that they are not merely a study site, but actively driving research to discover new breakthroughs in cancer.
I do like the description
"Volunteer" is not really language we use when discussing clinical trials. Perhaps the CTA could be "Learn more about our ongoing clinical trials and see if you qualify to participate." or "See if you qualify to participate in our clinical trials for access to breakthrough cancer treatments". Anyway, the point is you can't just volunteer. There are important inclusion and exclusion criteria that study participants have to meet, so we typically communicate terms like "qualify" or "eligible to participate" etc.
I'm sure RCCA would like to see language in here about them being on the "cutting edge of cancer care" or "dedicated to discovery of breakthrough treatments" etc. Also, since they are community-based, I did like how you tied it to having access to those options right here in your community-very important differentiator as these trials can be rigorous with follow ups, so the convenience aspect is equally important to the quality care they will receive.
In the paragraph describing the clinical trial, these ideas are important:
- new hope (which you have)
- advancing research in key areas, and perhaps allude to types of studies they are recruiting for as that will draw more attention and engagement, driving inquiries to the CR team-NSCLC, Non Hodgkins Lymphoma, Breast, Ovarian, Prostate
- your participation is helping to pave the way to discovering new approaches to treatment and life-extending options (we found that when you make it personal and help them understand how they are helping themselves, but also others like them-it's more meaningful)
- accessibility to leading edge treatment close to home

Mar 05, 2020 at 10:24 PM Notified 5 people

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Leslie

: This is still assigned to you. Please, please, please remember that a response post isn't sufficient to get something into a person's work queue. This is your task until it is reassigned to me.

cc:

Roya

Tamila

Celeste

👍

Mar 05, 2020 at 10:33 PM Notified 5 people

Leslie Hines

Greg

it was an oversight on my part. I understand that we need to reassign for any action items.

Dig it! Thx!

Mar 05, 2020 at 10:43 PM Notified 5 people

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Leslie

:

Here is v1d3. Reassigning to you for review.

RCCA-CJ_Web Page_Clinical Trials (new)_v1d3.docx 26.2 KB • Download

cc:

Tamila

Mar 06, 2020 at 7:10 PM Notified 5 people

Leslie Hines

Greg

,

Only had a few comments on this.

Thanks!

lbfdbk_RCCA-CJ_Web Page_Clinical Trials (new)_v1d3 (1).docx 28.4 KB • Download

Mar 11, 2020 at 5:46 PM Notified 5 people

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Leslie

: Noted, but please note that this was not on my assignments list, as it's still assigned to you.

cc:

Roya

Tamila

Mar 12, 2020 at 3:30 PM Notified 5 people

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Leslie

:

Here is v1d4. I made most but not all of your changes. Here is why:

We don't want to italicize "only" in "we are the only community-based participant or just one of a small handful." We don't want to emphasize a notion that, immediately following, we purposely/necessarily soften.
I did not take out "bustling" (defined as "full of activity"). I totally disagree that it's cheesy or cliché, and I'm left wondering why you feel it is. Also it is the more operative word than "large" when describing metro cancer centers. The major problem with the big-city centers, besides often being distant, is that they are busy, crowded, bustling. We want prospects to think: "That's right; those places are too busy/crowded." I avoided "busy" because I thought it was less descriptive. I hadn't thought of it when writing, but "busy" actually, literally sounds "cheesy."

Here's v1d4.

RCCA-CJ_Web Page_Clinical Trials (new)_v1d4.docx 26.6 KB • Download

cc:

Roya

Tamila

Mar 12, 2020 at 3:59 PM Notified 5 people

Leslie Hines

Thanks,

Greg

no qualms about that. Simply a suggestion to emphasize.
In my mind "bustling" came across as more of "the hustle and bustle of the big city." It just seemed outdated and a little old-timey. If anything, maybe we swap it out for "hectic" or "crowded" or "busy"

Thanks!

Mar 12, 2020 at 7:02 PM Notified 5 people

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Leslie

:

Fair enough! Here is v1d5.

RCCA-CJ_Web Page_Clinical Trials (new)_v1d5.docx 26.7 KB • Download

cc:

Roya

Tamila

woot woot! 🙌🏼

Mar 12, 2020 at 8:11 PM Notified 5 people

Leslie Hines completed this to-do.

Apr 02, 2020 at 4:08 PM