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From the list: Collateral

✔ 8-page brochure copy

Michelle D. added this on Jan 10, 2018
Completed Jan 19, 2018 by Greg A.

Assigned to: Greg A. Sara R.
Due on: Jan 17, 2018
Notes: Write copy for 8-page booklet-format Brochure. Assets are provided here:

Huron Assets_For Collateral Projects.zip 1.18 MB • Download

LAYOUT-8-page book.dotx 60.1 KB • Download

Heidi Greg

Comments & Events

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Heidi

:

Here is the revised Brochure OUTLINE (not copy). This was revised based on our completed interview.

HRMC-WWC_Brochure Outline_d1.docx 138 KB • Download

-- G

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Jan 10, 2018 at 7:49 PM Notified 2 people

Sara Romero, Senior Content Writer

Attached is the first draft of the HRMC brochure for your review. I look forward to your feedback!

Thanks,
Sara

BRO_HRMC-WWC_d1.docx 35.8 KB • Download

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Jan 16, 2018 at 5:17 AM Notified 3 people

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Sara

: I'll be reviewing this today, but have a full plate of meetings/calls. I'll try to get feedback do you today, but it may be tomorrow. Thanks for getting this done so quickly!

-- G

Heidi

Michelle

Jan 16, 2018 at 4:29 PM Notified 3 people

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Sara

:

I got to it. And just minutes before my first call. Woo hoo!

BRO_HRMC-WWC_d1_sara_ga fdbk.docx 37.5 KB • Download

Take a look and let me know if any questions.

Heidi

Michelle

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Jan 16, 2018 at 6:27 PM Notified 3 people

Heidi Drinkward

Thank you both! I just had a few edits after reviewing the brochure copy.

Rather than referring to the practice as "HRMC - Women's Wellness Center", can we please refer to it as "Women's Wellness Center" throughout the copy?
For our other OB/GYN clients we have used "OB/GYN" rather than "OBGYN". Should we make this change too? Greg please advise.
For section 5, in the second bullet point list, one of the bullet points states: "Most desired surgeries: hysterectomy and sling". It was probably unclear from our notes, but we were referring to the client's most desired surgeries that they want to attract rather than patients' most desired surgeries. Can we either revise or remove this point?
For section 6, it was one of their admin staff that experienced the high-risk pregnancy, so we should probably remove the phrase mentioning that their doctors experienced this.

Jan 16, 2018 at 8:11 PM Notified 3 people

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Heidi

and

Sara

:

I agree with Heidi on all points above, including using "OB/GYN" with the slash.

-- G

Jan 16, 2018 at 8:23 PM Notified 3 people

Sara Romero, Senior Content Writer

Thank you for the feedback! I have gone through the brochure and made changes based on Greg's and Heidi's notes.

I look forward to your feedback on d2.

Thank you!
Sara

BRO_HRMC-WWC_d2.docx 165 KB • Download

Jan 16, 2018 at 9:34 PM Notified 3 people

Heidi Drinkward

Thank you, Sara!

Greg

Do you have any additional edits? If not I will go ahead and send this to proofing.

Jan 17, 2018 at 6:19 PM Notified 3 people

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Heidi

:

I do not yet know. Haven't had a chance to get to this, but it's important that I review it again before you send it on. Planning to get to it later this morning or early afternoon.

-- G

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Jan 17, 2018 at 6:57 PM Notified 3 people

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Sara

:

Thanks for getting this back to us so fast. We're moving in the right direction, but there are still some problems we need you to address. The attached document will explain. (Be sure to view "all markup" rather than just "simple markup.")

BRO_HRMC-WWC_d2_sara_ga fdbk.docx 163 KB • Download

In particular...

I'm concerned about the Intro section, which has gone from one solitary synopsized sales argument to four distinct paragraphs which create stark divisions in that argument. Notwithstanding the copy suggestions I gave, your Intro copy was a solitary case in the last draft. Just needed a headline and some copy work. But that turned into four headlines somehow. Think of the intro as one headline and one section of paragraphs that together tell the whole top-line story of the practice. Also, be mindful of wordcount, especially because we have the bullet list to accommodate on that page. I'm also concerned that our writ-large sales argument (Intro copy) finishes not on a macro topic but on one specific sub-topic (stress/mood) that feels much more like internal-pages content.
Your pages have "themes," which is fine. But that theme isn't seen/known by the reader. I ask in my feedback if page headlines should be added, but I'm not for or against it. I'm just asking. For example, your OB page has a paragraph subheaded "Your safety, health and well-being are our top priority." This reads like a full-practice characteristic (which it is), but the second and third sentences limit things to OB.

Okay, that's it here. All else should be self-explanatory in the document. But don't hesitate to hit me with any questions.

Thanks, Sara. I look forward to seeing your revisions!

-- G

Jan 17, 2018 at 8:16 PM Notified 3 people

Sara Romero, Senior Content Writer

Thanks again for the feedback, Greg! I see what you mean about the Intro and have made some changes accordingly. I've also revised the remaining sections based on your feedback.

Looking forward to next steps,
Sara

BRO_HRMC-WWC_d3.docx 153 KB • Download

Jan 18, 2018 at 12:20 AM Notified 3 people

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Sara

Heidi

and I have both reviewed and added comments. I think, with this feedback, we should be ready for Art with your next send.

Thanks for the hard work, and let me know if any questions, concerns, etc.

BRO_HRMC-WWC_d3_sara_ga and hd fdbk.docx 149 KB • Download

-- G

Jan 19, 2018 at 12:38 AM Notified 3 people

Sara Romero, Senior Content Writer

d4 is attached, let me know if you need anything else!

Thanks!
Sara

BRO_HRMC-WWC_d4.docx 153 KB • Download

Jan 19, 2018 at 3:41 AM Notified 3 people

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Sara

: You are good to go on this. Thank you!

Heidi

: I made a few edits to this and advanced it to the next draft. Here is d5...

BRO_HRMC-WWC_d5.docx 143 KB • Download

Please review and let me know if you spot anything needing change, discussion, seance, etc. If not, this should be good for Art.

-- G

Jan 19, 2018 at 9:12 PM Notified 3 people

Greg Ashbaugh completed this to-do.

Jan 19, 2018 at 9:12 PM

Heidi Drinkward

Just one quick question - in section 4, the first bullet point states "First OB/GYN practice offering a prenatal CenteringPregnancy program". Do we need to clarify that they were the first in the area? Rather than the first ever?

Jan 19, 2018 at 10:41 PM Notified 3 people

Greg Ashbaugh, Sr. Copywriter

Hmm. I recall specifying that in my first or second review. Yes, we need to say "first in XXXX" else it will read as "first ever" (an out-and-out falsehood).

Jan 19, 2018 at 10:57 PM Notified 3 people